My Story - 25 Years of Infertility
by Robin Newman
A look in the mirror reveals a past that I cannot heal. Not even with all the expensive face creams and relaxing vacations. I reflect a sadness from years of carrying a heavy heart - over 25 years of pain etched in my face. Worn out from years of crying over my infertile body.
Married, just 3 years after my parents divorce, all I want is to re-create a whole, healthy family unit. We are doing everything right to conceive.
Fifteen years and $40,000.00 later, still no pregnancy. All tests and exploratory operations have shown that I am a normal, healthy woman. I have just Tried for the Last Time, with the Best Infertility Specialist. I am labeled Idiopathic Infertility; meaning I am infertile without explanation.
Divorced by age 36. We finally broke under the strain. Too many years of making love according to the thermometer reading, before getting up in the morning. Then we could only "do it" every other day to optimize sperm count and motility. The last few years our specialist has even encouraged me not to have orgasms. All passion died a slow death.
Does the longing ever stop? I am a single woman, yet feel my biological clock ticking loudly. With the help of The Sperm Bank, I go through an IVF procedure. Everything is normal, and my four fertilized eggs are transferred to my womb! No pregnancy. They tell me I am too old for another try at IVF. The chances of conception are now below 15%.
I learn about Egg Donation. I am not ready emotionally or financially for this $20,000.00 attempt. The waiting list for Egg Donors in my region is two years. There is still time as I am very healthy and only 43.
I am feeling at peace. I have heard worse stories from those who have suffered their empty wombs. I did not have multiple miscarriages, I didn't spend over $100,000.00 on my attempts. It has been years now since I shed tears over my infertility. Therapy helped, time has healed.
Someday I will marry again and possibly have grandchildren to nurture. Then again my husband may want a baby ...
There is still time. Hope springs eternal.